There's the person who apologizes too easily and too often and probably takes responsiblity for more than
their true share of the problem. Then of course there's the person who is never wrong and never
apologizes for anything...it's always the other person's fault. Then, there's the 'fake' apologizer whose
'sorry' is really saying 'get off my back'...'I hate conflict, let's just shut this down'. Hopefully you find yourself
somewhere in the middle of these extremes...but here's a few quick tips:
1) Always try to find some part in the conflict that is truly yours even if you
can't admit to everything the person is accusing you of.
2) Listen first for the content of the message someone is giving you even if you don't
like their 'delivery', i.e. their tone. When the conflict is settled, address the tone.
3) Don't give a 'conditional' apology i.e. if you will apologize for this then I will for that...
4) If you said/did something that was wrong, be quick to admit it. Don't make someone have to drag it
out of you.
5) If you said/did something wrong in response to someone else's wrong, admit it. But then, let them know that they also said/did a wrong.
6) If someone isn't ready to apologize to you, let them know that they hurt you and that it would help you rebuild trust in your relationship if they would apologize...then walk away and let them think about it.
7) If you've done a 'biggie'...really embarrassed or betrayed trust, make sure you ask forgiveness in your apology...don't demand it...be vulnerable enough to ask for it and not assume it will come immediately. Broken trust requires visible and reliable change and time to prove it's real.
8) If you're a parent, and have never apologized to your children, bless them by finding the courage to admit where you went wrong (we all do).
For more ideas on apology, you might want to check out Gary Chapman's book: The Five Languages of Apology
Finally, if apology doesn't come easy for you, start now, practice makes it get easier!
No comments:
Post a Comment